Empowering Newly Married Women Through The First Years Of Marriage.

Top 5 Mistakes Newly Married Couples Make In the First Years of Marriage

The first years of marriage…

Top 5 Mistakes Newly Married Couples Make In Their First Years of Marriage

Top 5 Mistakes Newly Married Couples Make In Their First Years of Marriage

They can be blissful, confusing and even painful. Some call this transition time the “newlywed blues”. I’m not fond of the term because honestly it has taken away from helping women understand what is really going on with them and the big milestone in life they just experienced.

The truth of what is really going on is a lack of proper expectations of marriage and of your new spouse. Along with a lack of not understanding the inner transformation that is occurring.

Yes your marriage, by design, is transforming you. It’s designed to transform you on a soul level toward your higher self. {Tweet This!}

So let’s dive in…..

Let’s take a look at the top 5 mistakes I see happen among women during these crucial first years of marriage.

1.  Focusing only on setting up a household. I call this the #WhitePicketFenceSyndrome. Don’t let it get you too!

Tip: Ignoring the inner transformation will leave you yearning and looking outwardly for answers that won’t come from outside yourself.

Journal Question: What is one way that you can embrace the transformation (of your life rite of passage) that is occurring?

2.  Having unclear expectations of your spouse’s role in your marriage and visa verse of your role as a spouse.

Tip: Here is a post I wrote during the Removing The Veil series that will help you with discovering those healthy expectations of your spouse.

3.  Not having a marriage vision that is defined and in alignment with each of the spouses as individuals and as a couple. Remember you are a “you” before a “we”. It takes you being 100% you and your spouse being 100% of his authentic self to creating a lasting, loving marriage.

Journal Question: What do you imagine your marriage being like?

To help you begin to explore further, you might consider creating a marriage vision statement.

4.  Take responsibility for owning and healing your past and present hurts. That’s not your spouse’s responsibility! Stop expecting your spouse to do this work for you!

Tip: This past and present hurts typically show up from your ego. The inner war you’re feeling within is happening because it’s getting your attention. It’s saying, okay maybe even screaming…lol – “pay attention to meee!”.

Journal Question: Will you feed your ego or your soul? The next time you are spewing your ego junk at your spouse; check in with yourself and ask “Is this my ego using this against me toward my spouse right now?”

I bet you find, 10 times out of 10, it is. Until you learn to control that ego (mind). This can be tricky and will take some conscious effort and some days, like me, you might just want to throw in the towel. That doesn’t mean I still spew my ego junk anymore. I save what I was going to lash out toward Stan until I have had time to check in with myself.

And now the last one I see so many women do in their first years of marriage. It’s #5 for a reason, because it’s the one the most important one……

5. Becoming a chameleon and losing yourself to your spouse’s desires and life. Shutting the backdoor on your own life will make you bitter and angry. I have observed many women who do the 180 degree turn away from who they are and it’s not pretty to watch.

You won’t believe what it stems from either. I was shocked when I figured this out about myself. You ready?

Lack of proper, healthy self-love on a soul level. Then mix it with codependency and you will be amazed what you unconsciously will allow yourself to do or become. And you might just find yourself asking: “what have I become?”

Tip: The Power of One is profound. When you focus on fulfilling your desires and life dreams it will reflect in the relationship. Don’t do the waiting and approval game from your spouse to do this for you and visa verse.

This is my area of expertise. I love helping women, like you, to love themselves on a soul level. It transforms them and has a huge impact on the longevity of your marriage.

Journal Question: Okay there is one step you have to do before you can journal. Find a full-size mirror. Not a little pocket mirror. Can you look yourself in the eye, in the mirror, and say out loud “I Love You!”

Journal what comes up for you when you can’t or do say it. Either way don’t let your ego beat you up either. I’m here if you need me.

And Oh, just so you know, I couldn’t say it to myself either. Not the first time, not the second time but months later after I got the intuition message to do this exercise for myself. Months? Yes, months!! But I did it!

Your Turn! Tell Me….

Which one of the 5 will you choose to begin consciously focusing on?

Leave me a comment and tell me which one you are going to commit to for yourself and for your marriage.

Don’t let your ego decide or trip you up. It’s a journey with layers so that you grow toward the highest version of yourself.

The first years of marriage are a time of transformation. It’s by design. Enjoy the journey.

 

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