Empowering Newly Married Women Through The First Years Of Marriage.

Removing The Veil: Top 10 Ways to Deepen Intimacy

Removing The Veil: Top 10 Ways to Deepen Intimacy True intimacy with another is not a given nor is it an impossible dream.

The poet Rilke once advised a friend that a good marriage does not create “a quick community of spirit by tearing down and destroying all boundaries,” but rather appoints the other “guardian of his solitude.” Rilke’s comments, applicable to all committed partnerships, point to the mutual respect and clear-eyed seeing that form the basis for genuine intimacy.  Here are the….

Top 10 ways to create, deepen and maintain intimacy in your marriage:

  1. Bring up difficult subjects.
  2. Listen with openness.
  3. Attempt to elicit a fuller range of feelings during discussions and disagreements.
  4. Respect your partner’s desire for greater distance or closeness as expressing a need for comfort—not as a personal rejection.
  5. Listen without comment during disagreements, despite strong feelings being stirred.
  6. Maintain perspective. See you partner as a human, not a deity or demon. Yes soul sister, your husband is not the enemy. Despite days your ego might make you believe he is.
  7. Be honest with yourself. True intimacy with another can’t really happen until you are intimate with yourself.  
  8. Dare to expose your imperfections and fears.
  9. Avoid depending on your partner to fulfill all your needs. It’s not his job to complete you. Step in and own that power yourself!
  10. Don’t use affection, sex and loving behavior to reward or punish. Remember one should not place any strings attached to ones love.

Rilke reminds us of the connection between intimacy and a healthy ability to maintain what’s separate: “Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings, an infinite distance continues to exist, a wonderful living side-by-side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible to see each other whole and against a wide sky!”

True intimacy with another is not a given and most often our spouse is the one we get lazy on it and just expect it to be there.

I encourage you to take the time and read the list above again.

As you are reading the list again, ask:

Who is the person responsible behind these ways of being intimate?

I’m curious, what is your answer to the “who”?

The truth is intimacy is not something we earn or, receive from someone else. It starts with how you are Being from the inside out. The way you are with your own soul will determine your connection with other souls.

I want to hear from you!!

Tell me….

Which way of intimacy comes very easily to you?

Which way of intimacy do you need to begin working on?

Was there anything you think got left off the list?

I can’t wait to hear your thoughts in the comments below!

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