Empowering Newly Married Women Through The First Years Of Marriage.

Removing The Veil: How Controlling Are You?

Removing the Veil: How Controlling Are You?We all know them…the folks who MUST CONTROL EVERYTHING. Perhaps it’s the mother-in-law whom you secretly call “Controller of the Universe,” or the boss at work who has to have a hand in every little detail of your work, or the parent who directs every aspect of their child’s life. However well-meaning controlling people might be, their actions often result in alienation, resentment and a lack of intimacy with loved ones. When they have a choice, people don’t usually like to be around controlling individuals.

Take this quiz to see how controlling you might be.

Set 1

  1. I discourage the people around me from expressing anger, fear or sadness.
  2.  It aggravates me when others don’t want to do something the way I suggest; I’m only trying to help them.
  3.  I hate to admit to others that I am wrong or make mistakes; in fact, I rarely do.
  4.  I’d rather do most things myself.
  5.  Others probably describe me as driven and rarely satisfied. I admit to being a perfectionist.
  6.  When someone goes against my advice or suggestions, I tend to withdraw my affection; but when people do what I say, I’ll lavish the praise. This is especially true with my children and/or  spouse.
  7.  I take it as disloyalty or personal rejection when others act or feel differently than I do.
  8.  When I’m in a relationship, I want to know where my significant other is all the time.
  9.  I know what’s best for others; that’s why they should listen to what I have to say.
  10.  When watching television with others, I have to have the remote. Similarly, when in a car with others, I feel uncomfortable unless I’m the driver.
  11.  I am easily irritated, especially by others’ incompetence or rebelliousness.

  Set 2

  1. I encourage others to express their true feelings around me.
  2. I would rather people be themselves than try to please me, and that they do things out of choice, not an obligation.
  3. It doesn’t bother me when others question or disagree with me. In fact, I enjoy a lively debate.
  4. I steer clear of micromanaging family members or employees, and instead encourage independence and independent thinking.
  5. I choose not to focus on power, prestige or perfection; I hold others to be the best they can be while remaining true to themselves.
  6. I find it easy to relax, laugh or be spontaneous.
  7. I value stability and consistency and don’t get caught up in chaos and drama.
  8. Getting someone to do something by yelling at them isn’t something that works for me.

If you answered true more often in Set 1 and false more often in Set 2, you might wish to examine where your urge to control coming from. Most often, fear is the deep culprit. Learning how to approach and handle fear in a positive manner helps us accept others—and ourselves—better. And doing so sets us up for better relationships, better health, and better self-esteem.

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