Empowering Newly Married Women Through The First Years Of Marriage.

Removing The Veil: As a Newlywed Wife Do You Give It All Away?

Most of us have been taught that it is more noble to give than to receive.Removing The Veil: Do You Give it All Away?

Many newlywed wife’s feel compelled to “Give It All Away” when they don’t know where their focus should be when begining their marriage relationship.

While giving can be a wonderful, heart-warming experience, giving too much of our time and energy can be detrimental to both our physical and emotional health, leading to anxiety, overwhelm and burnout.

Take this quiz to see if you are giving it all away.

  1. I force myself to do things even when I don’t have the energy to do them.
  2. I ignore my body’s “no” signals when I think someone’s needs are greater than mine.
  3. I hate conflict, so I’ll do whatever it takes to avoid it, which often means doing something I don’t want to do.
  4. I feel obligated to answer the phone when it rings even when I really don’t want to.
  5. The amount of time I spend listening to others far exceeds the amount of time that others listen to me.
  6. If I don’t answer all the emails I receive I feel guilty.
  7. In order to provide luxuries for my family I work more hours than I want to.
  8. I schedule my work time around my clients’ needs rather than around my own.
  9. I can’t say no when people in need ask me for money.
  10. When I’m out to dinner with people who have less money than I do, I feel obligated to pick up the check.
  11. I volunteer for my place of worship or other organizations even if I don’t have the time.
  12. People won’t like me if I say no.
  13. I’m the person everyone calls when they need help: a babysitter, chauffeur, or someone to fill in at work.
  14. My children’s happiness comes before mine. I’ll do whatever it takes to make them happy.
  15. I have a hard time saying no to my partner because I want him/her to be happy, even if saying yes makes me unhappy.
  16. I feel selfish if I don’t share what I have with others.

If you answered true more often than false, you may want to find ways to create more balance in your life by getting clear on your values and priorities and learning more about boundary setting.

Trust me I know first hand about this common trap. I felt over-the-top obligated that majority of these on the list were going to make others love and see me. In the end this was not the way for either of those to happen.

When I began setting boundaries for myself and living my value’s did things begin to fall into place. And yes that’s not selfish. It’s called Self-Love. The first type of Love we must have for deep, lasting intamcy with your spouse to occur. You knwo the one thing you are yearning for.

Hope you found the quiz and the other quizes helpful. If you missed them you can see them here: How Controlling Are You? and Do You Have The Spouse-Pleasing Syndrome?

Now that you are aware of the type of spouse you possible have been being,rememeber awarness is key to moving foward. Don’t go beating yourself up for these actions either. You were most likely raised to think these actions were expected of you.

Tomorrow’s post we will look at “What Are Your Expectaitons of Yourself As A Spouse”. This will help you to begin discover your expectations as a healthy newlywed wife / spouse.

 

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