Empowering Newly Married Women Through The First Years Of Marriage.

What I Wish I Was Told About What Healthy Expectations of Marriage Is!

Has your marriage or spouse lived up to the expectations of what you thought marriage would be?

I know my expectations of marriage was not meet. But truth be told, I didn’t give the day to day life of marriage much thought before I walked down the aisle.

As time went on I became increasing disappointed and bitter. I didn’t see it changing either. That didn’t help at all.

So I will share the lessons I learned the hard way so that you don’t have to.

What I wish I was told about what healthy expectations of marriage is:

1. That my spouse is not my only source of love. I am responsible for filling my own love tank when it’s on empty or anytime really. Here is a post to help you if your love tank is on empty.

2. That my spouse’s job is not to complete me. But to be a witness to my journey.

3. That I can’t change him. This is not my responsibility. He has to want that for himself and to do the work on and for himself.

4. That my spouse will aide me in my growth of my soul, my higher self. At times, it will come across as if he is pushing my buttons. But as long as he is doing it with soul love and not ego love then I know he is not the enemy. Despite what my ego might have me say, do or believe at times or in the moment.

5. That having personal boundaries, personal values, and a strong self-love foundation are a necessity. This is your personal foundation and each of these 3 are so important they could each be a section, on their own. 

Okay, my Lovee Dovee’s just so you know. These have unfolded for me as I’m living in my healthy relationship. I have watched many girlfriends in and out of relationships and I don’t feel this happens at a level expect when in a committed relationship. Married or not.

I’ve shed the childhood family values that were not in alignment with me. All this did was create an inner war within me toward my family that I couldn’t understand. I learned, later, that I was trying to be loyal to my family and uphold those crazy values that were not meant for me. And that’s okay. This is normal and should happen. It does not mean you’re being disloyal to your family. That is your ego painting a false illusion for you.

6. Yes comprising will happen. But it should not ever be on your personal boundaries or your personal values. Those are just not negotiable.

Be aware if you are compromising on your boundaries and values. That means he’s changing you and not toward your higher self, but further away from it.

7. He is not my knight and shining armor who is going to whisk me away from the pain and suffering that was done to me. That work is for me to do. Both alone and by being vulnerable with him, my spouse, and, not taking it out on him. That would be action driven from ego. Keep your ego spew, I know ewe, from projecting onto your spouse or anyone really.

I firmly believe this is what marriage was design to do. Your spouse is your mirror for you. A mirror for you to heal your past and present hurts. Shed any false identity you have thought was you so that you will become your true authentic soul self on this journey.

I hear all the time how Marriage is work. No, it’s not. The work is on you. Are you willing to do the work to grow?

I call this living a soul-centered life. Or will you live an ego-centered life. The choice and reasonability is yours.

8. Being in a relationship is far more rewarding than doing a relationship. If you are not trying to change your spouse or vice versa then you should be completely comfortable with just Being with someone. In the still, quiet moments. You should not have to be doing anything to enjoy being around your spouse.

When I worked with my first coach this is exactly what we worked on first. Me learning to just Be. And wouldn’t you know that Stanley became a mirror for me. I remember us sitting at a restaurant eating dinner and him looking at me and saying “can’t you turn it off?” I looked back at him puzzled. He said, “your mind doesn’t always have to be engaged. You can and should turn it off”.

Those are what I have learned to date in my relationship with Stanley. I know there is more in store for me. As we have only been together for five years.

I look forward to growing a deeper connection with my soul as he mirrors for me what I have to heal and let go off, layer upon layer so that I can live my life how I have yearned to live it.

Your Turn

Did you have any of these false marriage expectations too? If so, which one of these lessons are you learning right now in your marriage?

How is your spouse mirror something for you right now that you need to work on?

I can’t wait to read them in the comments below which lesson you are in the middle of right now.

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