Empowering Newly Married Women Through The First Years Of Marriage.

The First Years of Marriage A Common Syndrome – The White Picket Fence Syndrome

The First Years of Marriage has so much going on.

It’s so easy to get caught up in only focusing on setting up your household together.

There is a lot to do with commingling styles of household items and cooking too. If there are kids from prior relationships then that adds to the mix of learning expectations for all.

White Picket Fence Syndrome affects your marriage

Marriage is not just setting up a house & paying bills. Marriage is an inside out journey.

Don’t forget about the household budget and expectations on how that will be handled.

As if that wasn’t enough you might add to this; by buying a house. There might even be career change going on for one of you too.

Let’s not forget the question everyone now begins to ask “When’s there going to be a baby?”

These are all items that have to be learned and handled. But in the first five years this is not the only thing going on and as long as you are not using them to ignore the other side of things going then you will be okay.

What I commonly see though in many newly married women is fixating on only setting up a household with all the above mentioned and ignoring everything that is going on in the inside of them. This is what I call the White Picket Fence Syndrome™.

So that you don’t only focus on setting up a household in the first years of your marriage you must first understand what else is going on. Understanding your “I Do” life rite of passage, the purpose marriage was designed for and my expertise on understanding the purpose of your spouse.

The Silent “I Do” Transformation

You have just walked down the aisle through your life rite of passage that began when he popped “the question” and into your happily ever after marriage.

There are 3 phases to the “I Do” life rite of passage. Some phases you might have honored. The 3rd phase will last through the first years of marriage.

The 3rd phase is separation. Honoring this time can be powerful for your marriage.

I did not experience this in my first marriage. For many reasons. My higher self knew that it wasn’t safe or right for me to separate from my family or me from my ego self. Even though I wouldn’t admit it to myself. It knew not to let this happen.

Now in my current relationship with Stanley man I have completed this phase. I no longer feel attacked, unloved, unseen, or anxious around my family. There was so much miss-alignment here that caused a lot of heartache for me. I didn’t understand, for so long, that I desired this, but it wasn’t happening because it wasn’t safe for me to do so in the relationship I was in.

With a lot of time and work, I have gotten there. You will too. Allow yourself the time you need to complete this phase. There is no rush. There is no right and or wrong way.

Honor and embrace your “I Do” transformation. It is by design for your marriage and you to go through this process. {Tweet This!}

The Purpose of Marriage

Marriage, by design, is meant for you to grow. You growing toward your higher self. Not your ego mind self either. There is a difference.

There is a difference between growing and changing too. When you change things about you to please your spouse that is not growing. That is falling into the Spouse-Pleasing Syndrome. Beware! Be very aware!

Marriage is to help you to do the work in healing yourself because after all no one can do that for you. Awe, shucks. I know, I know. And your spouse is not your knight in shining armor that’s going to come in and rescue you. Let alone do the work of healing you either.

That work is for you to do all on your own.

Some even confuse the communicating, running a household and scheduling things with your spouse as marriage being work. Marriage is not work! The work is about you.

You healing and becoming and being your authentic true self. Dropping the old beliefs and stories that you thought were you so that you simply will be you on a soul level and drop the ego-self that you might have been living your life from presently.

Is this easy. No and yes. Depends on how much resistance you give it. Or let your ego get in the way and stop you too.

You were even given a partner in marriage, to help you see the areas that you need grow in.

Your Spouse Is A Mirror For You

Your spouse is a mirror for you on what you need to heal on.

Your job is not to change your spouse either. When he is growing toward his higher self then you support him and encourage him to heal his own beliefs and stories. You cannot do this work for your spouse.

Those first years of marriage with your spouse can be frustrating when you don’t understand that he is a witness to your journey and to share in that adventure with you.

When he’s pushing your buttons it’s so much easier, and frankly we have been cultured to point back at them for what they did to us. Or how they made us feel.

Truth is, we need to stop and dig deep on what is bugging you when they pushed your buttons. Chances are there is something desiring to be healed. Yes, desiring. We’re not meant to suffer. We do that to ourselves. Heal it. Love it and it’s done. Yes, there maybe another layer that pops up at some point. That’s okay. That’s normal.

The First Years of Marriage and the Silent Killer of Al Marriages

So what gets in the way of truly embracing the life rite of passage you are on in those early years of marriage and causes discontentment with your spouse?

Glad you asked, because that’s exactly what we will be talking about next week. There is two and we addressed one this week by talking about understanding the purpose of the life rite of passage through marriage and understanding the purpose of your spouse.

What do You Think?

Did you learn something new about your first years of marriage that you hadn’t known yet?

What false expectation are you dropping today, about your spouse, that you now know is not his responsibility?

Share in the comments below what you learned about the purpose of your marriage and spouse.

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