Empowering Newly Married Women Through The First Years Of Marriage.

5 Foundational Key’s to an Emotionally Stable Relationship

Have you ever desired a more emotionally stable relationship?

Have you ever thought about this?

5 Steps to an Emotionally Stable Relationship

Come and join the 5 Day Challenge for an Emotionally Stable Relationship

I know I hadn’t thought much about this until I was asked to describe what it is I love about my relationship with Stan.

It took a little while, but then it came to me. I knew it instantly. It’s an emotionally stable relationship.

I never thought that would be the way to describe my relationship. For the longest time, I just imagined it as love. Which there is that too, of course.

So when I thought about how I have gotten this relationship I instantly got five key things I have done and helped my clients with too.

But first, let me tell you a little bit about the contrast I had at one time in my life.

Use your old Relationships to help you decide what you don’t want.

The first failed relationship and marriage was anything but emotionally stable. I wasn’t showing it on the outside either. I hid this very well. On the inside, I was silently screaming, because this is not what I ever pictured my marriage like.

What did show up on the outside was me being angry. And having been told by a prior supervisor, years before the relationship, that “your very optimistic, Jen”. I somehow lost this over time.

I lost my optimism because I didn’t yet consciously understand the ins and outs of a relationship or marriage.

I had no women in my life who took the time to teach me what it was like to be in a relationship. I got one piece of advice once. That was “You have to have time apart and you time.

Though that was helpful, it wasn’t the whole picture that is needed.

So after one relationship and marriage that wasn’t emotionally stable, I committed, to myself, to never be in that type of a relationship again.

I still pinch myself, some days, on how strong that vow was that I took for myself because now I have the relationship that is emotionally stable…phew!

So what does an emotionally stable relationship look like?

Glad you ask.

Let’s dive in, shall we.

The Foundation to an Emotionally Stable Relationship

My relationship is emotionally stable because I have committed to and done the following….

I stopped Focusing On Him

When you love him too much, you forget about you. Focusing all your energy on him is where you can fall into the codependency trap. Don’t confuse this with Being with him. Seriously my soul sister, we have taught to be the “complacent” wife and with our natural nurturing in us, we go into relationships thinking, there goes that stinking ego mind again, that we are to be this way to and for our partner’s. And we are not to be.

This is placing him in a pressure cooker. I know you don’t mean to put your partner or spouse in a pressure cooker. However, you are putting so much pressure on him that it’s causing the emotions to rise.

By stopping your focus to be “all about him,” you will stabilize the emotions between the two of you so that you get a more emotionally stable relationship.

I Took Responsibility For My Mindset

I took control of my overruling-ego-mind. In the beginning, it was a daily task for me. After five years and lots of mindset work, I am happy to say that I am getting much better about catching it in the act and getting her to stop. I fully believe that mindset is the number 1 killer of marriages.

So what does this do for your relationship?

You taking control of your ego mindset will stop fights from happening!

I Took Responsibility For Healing My Past

He, Stanley, is not my knight and shining armor. He is simply a mirror for what I need to heal on and grow on toward my higher self, my soul.

Let me tell you about his yummy spaghetti dinner he made one night. I had a meltdown, NO breakthrough, over his yummy spaghetti dinner. 

Did you enjoy that post? That is a one of many of my mirror lessons I have experienced from looking at what comes to the surface when engaging in everyday life with my spouse.

So take the time to stop when he is pushing your buttons and see if it’s something about you that is really trying to get your attention and not the actions of him as much as you think it is or may want it to be.

Because I’m here to tell you, he’s not your enemy like your ego makes you think he is.

Your spouse or partner is simply being a mirror for you. He is mirror what to heal on so that you stop taking your childhood wounds out on him and your relationship. You taking ownership or even beginning to have awareness is what will give you emotional stability.

Having Relationship Boundaries

You’re putting relationship boundaries in place so that others don’t interfere where they don’t belong. Please note that this type of boundary doesn’t replace your personal boundaries.

Your relationship boundaries are one thing you must agree on as a couple. Most foundational pieces I teach will need to come from you alone. But this is one of those that you establish together.

How do you know what boundaries need to be set? Take time to see what is causing you inner turmoil. Chance are that is the first one you will want to put in place.

Having boundaries is a great way to keep emotional flare-ups from occurring by outsiders crossing the line where they don’t belong.

They most likely don’t have the same values as you or your spouse. Or the same values and understanding about marriage that you are going to have now.

There are too many variables at play. And when they, the outsiders, don’t have the same level of consciousness, you’re not inviting in support to your emotionally stable relationship you’re instead making it unstable. 

Yes, this goes for parents, friends, and co-workers too. No exceptions.

I Am Responsible For Loving Myself 

By filling my own love bank without any expectations of it coming from him. His love is the icing on the cake.

This one is so hard for many of us. Especially when society has taught us that it is selfish or even self-centeredness to love ourselves.

I am here to tell you ladies it’s not! And honestly, when it’s from a healthy soul love standpoint and not from the false ego love this is what creates the foundation for the emotionally stable relationship to occur. This is last on the list because it’s the most vital to your relationship thriving.

It takes the relationship to happen

All of this happened because of my relationship. I would not have evolved through each of these layers if it wasn’t for my Stanley mirroring for me what I need to peel away on my ego fears and beliefs I had about myself. So I could begin to see my true self, my soul.

Yes, he is a mirror for me on what I need to work on, of healing my past, and in growing on to evolve toward my higher self.

That my soul sister, is the purpose of a committed relationship and marriage.

Your Turn!

Which area do you think resonated with you the most?

Would you like to have more clarity on each of these 5 steps and a safe, supportive community of other women who are growing in a more emotionally stable relationship too?

Join our upcoming challenge The 5 Steps To An Emotionally Stable Relationship that I will be hosting in our Soul Love Relationship Club this month.

The challenge begins on Monday, May 9th, 2016.

Click to join the women’s only FB Group Here and go here to sign up for the challenge. You will need to do the sign up so that you get the daily challenge emails.

See you on the inside of the challenge as we learn together to thrive in our relationships.

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